Hurt and Anger

That's what I feel right now. Too many of the people I have looked to as spiritual leaders have let me down lately. Not only individual people, but entire groups. I'm hurt that people who are supposed to shepherd the flock are not taking the information they hold seriously. When you know a Christian brother/sister is hurting themselves and others, you don't sit on that information for a month without speaking to them. I understand not taking a side, but investigate, research and try to find the truth. Not only are they hurting the person who needs intervention, they are harming their own reputations. The only thing that is giving me solace is that I know that when their name is called and they step before God's throne, they will have to answer for what they have done...or rather what they have not.

There is no reason for a person to feel harassed in their own church. There is no reason for a "sister in Christ" to go to a child spilling filthy lies about that child's mother. When a member is stressed just thinking about walking into that church building, afraid of the people they will see or the looks they will get, something is SERIOUSLY WRONG! The only reason they still go there is so the evil-doers do not get the satisfaction of knowing they ran her off.

WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING YOUR JOB AS LEADERS? I have never been so hurt and disappointed. I want to wrap my arms around my sister and friend. I want to make it all go away. And if I can't make it all go away, I just want it all to be over. There is no reason this has to be hard, it should be easy. Let her move on. Not only for her sake, but for the sake of her children. They are precious.

It's not only this one example either. At my own church I feel like some of us women are fighting a losing battle of starting a Women's Ministry for cryin' out loud! Why won't the preacher support this? He says his wife already does this, but where are the events and the fellowship? Have you not noticed that your membership is dwindling by the week? That the members who are most active are seeking out other options for churches? One day you will realize that the people who donate the majority of their time and effort to the ministries of the church are gone. That you may have people donating money, but the workers are no longer there.

Unfortunatley, my husband and I don't feel like there is anywhere else we would feel comfortable. The only other church that aligns the closest to our beliefs was very....unwelcoming. We attended services for 6 months and when we would see people outside of services, no one would even say "hi". Then we found our current church. We love and adore the people there. We have made better friends there than we have ever had in our lives. The problem...we aren't feeling fed.

I miss options. I miss having more than a handful of churches to choose from. I miss only having a select number of denominations and no TRUE non-denominational churches. I long for nourishment. I need to feel used and valued as a member of our church and God's family. I need my kids to be read bible stories in nursery and not have a mom and dad who dread Sunday's.

At church this morning the youth minister preached about faith without works being dead (James 2). Imagine the timing of that one. I'm feeling like we WANT to work, but that our pulpit minister wants control. I hated looking around and not seeing my best friends.

It's sad that it took not seeing them all there to realize that they truly are my best friends. I knew one of them was, but the other two I didn't. It felt empty. We didn't stay after service to speak to anyone, we just walked to the nursery to pick up the kids and head home. Maybe it's time to leave here afterall.